The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
