i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
