You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize