her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
