exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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