Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
