um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
