if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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