areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
