she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
