All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
