can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
