I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
