lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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