Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Boobs are out for the taking
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
