Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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