My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
