hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
