Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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