everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
