took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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