Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
