we're chasing vodka with high fives
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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