i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
