If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
