he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
