There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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