I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
