we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
