umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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