my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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