I wish my penis had an off switch
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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