It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
