He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
