I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
