When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
