Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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