just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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