I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
