sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
