My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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