I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
