Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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