She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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