ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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