i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
