Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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