it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
