do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
