all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
