my phone needs a breathalizer
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
